Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
