dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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