If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
