K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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