im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
