We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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