I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
