So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
