I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't put those talents on a resume
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
