Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And then he peed in my hair
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