she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
