Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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