I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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