The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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