Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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