goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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