okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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