Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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