6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
