Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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