she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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