I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
