Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
