My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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