Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
