just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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