Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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