My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
