He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
