i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
