it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
