I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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