is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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