Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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