Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
