It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You may now shotgun with the bride
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize