Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My first STD was from a foam party
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
