take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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