I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
