The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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