I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
