i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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