I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
