ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize