You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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