The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
