Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
