I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
