all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
