you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
