sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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