Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
