My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
