Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want her autograph on my taint
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
