I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
