so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
