im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
