she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
