I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
