Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
