K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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