i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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