dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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