I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
