if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
