five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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