I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize