Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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