Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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