i think my mom watched the whole time
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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