Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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