I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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