They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
