Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
