i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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