When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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