I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
