you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
