I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
