I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
