The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize