babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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