Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
