I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize