Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
