Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
