so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
