It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
