when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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