:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
