so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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