Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
