How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
