there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
