I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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