I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
