i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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