No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
