FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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