Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
