I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
