My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
