2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
