one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I only lived at night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
