He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
