They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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