Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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