Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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